Here, there's no cash.

Scenario:

Friday night: 7.00pm, Westfield Fountain Gate.

Requirements:

1. Purchase iPhone for daughter who wants to go with Optus as all her friends are with them and she is already an Optus customer and would like to keep her number.

2. Renegotiate with Telstra to purchase 2 x 32gb iPhones on a 24 month handset plan (continuing with current $100 cap plan & $29 data plan currently in place)

First stop, Optus. The transaction involved switching from a pre-paid to a post-paid account (requirement to keep the same number) and commencing a 24 month plan for an 16gb iPhone.

We're served after a couple of minutes of standing around. We explain what we're there for and are escorted to one of the booths at the back of the store to do the paperwork stuff.

As daughter is under 18, post-paid account had to go into my name. Optus shop person found that when prepaid account was originally set up, they incorrectly keyed my last name, so this had to be fixed first. This took about 30 minutes as it had to be changed in a couple of places (or something). An annoying wait, but not interminable and now the details on file are correct.

Once the incorrect name was sorted, the transaction was swift and was completed with with minimal fuss. We were in and out in about 45 minutes.

Second stop, Telstra. My partner approaches Telstra sales staff, says hello and starts to explain our current situation and the information we'd like to find out.

And I kid you not, the VERY first thing this salesperson said to my partner was "No" - "No, I need your name" and he prepared to start writing my partner's details on a clipboard. My partner asked "Are you able to help me?" and he answered "No, we're busy, I need to take your name and someone will get back to you."

If by "we're busy", he meant there were 3 Telstra salespeople standing around behind the counter doing nothing and one female salesperson sitting at a PC twirling her hair through her fingers, then yeah, they were absolutely FLAT OUT.

My partner told him he wasn't interested in waiting around for "someone to get back to him" and left the store.

Telstra just don't get it. If I have made my way into a store, I wish to engage in discussion or transact at that time. I am not interested in having my details taken and being told that someone will ring me at a later date so I can return to the store AT A TIME THAT'S CONVENIENT FOR TELSTRA (not the customer) to conduct my business.

For those of you who are going to ask why I'm even bothering with Telstra for mobiles in the first place, the answer is simple; we live 50km from Melbourne, directly in a Voda shadow (if I want to make a call on a Voda handset, I need to walk out my front door, up the driveway and halfway down the street - and I need to be in the middle of the road - to get even 1 bar of coverage. So Voda is out. Optus is ok at home, but travelling on the train (which I do for approximately 3 hours per day), 3G data is patchy and spotty for approximately half my trip home. So Optus is out.

Without doubt, Telstra have the best 3G coverage and that is the SOLE reason why we persevere. If I could get the same quality of service on either of the other two, I would drop Telstra like third period French. Don't get me started on tethering and the lack of visual voicemail.

Alas, we are stuck with Telstra.

But you know what, giving Telstra our money is just too much like hard work. We're happy to pay for using their mobile network - it is arguably the best. We are also willing to re-enter into another 24 month contract for a couple of 32gb 3GS iPhones, but you know what? I just don't have the energy to fight to do it. Clearly Telstra don't want our business.

Interestingly, it was a year ago we went in to the Telstra store to upgrade/extend our plans (from the hideous Palm Treo 750 to iPhone 3Gs). Telstra wheeled out The Clipboard Tactic... and we left the store, went around the corner and purchased them outright from Optus instead. It was just all too hard to deal with Telstra. We just wanted a couple of phones!

The Clipboard Tactic is not doing Telstra any favours at all. I can see what they're trying to do, but the execution fails badly.

Here's a hint Telstra; if you want to start a booking service for appointments at your stores, take a leaf from Apple's book and set it up like they do with the Genius Bar appointments - you book online, pick a day/time that suits you, rock up at your alloted time and hey presto, you conduct your business, and you leave. All at a time and location and date that suits.. you know, the PAYING customer!

Tonight was a glaring example of the difference in the customer service of two of the largest telcos in Australia. In the end, one got our money, one didn't.

Looks like we're keeping our old iPhones. And our $7200 - excluding call costs - (based on the $150 iPhone Plan Ultimate x 2 over 24 months).